Hurricane Harvey Delays My Treatment Plans
I'm suppose to have a PET Scan tomorrow however with the bad weather and the flooding around Kingwood hospital I am unable to have it, therefore, I will have to cancel my appt with Dr. Khoury as well on Thursday because I will be working. Cancer is going to have to take a backseat to my real life right now I'm afraid. I started my ibrance and femara this weekend and besides a little nausea the first day, I've been fine. Hope that continues. I have noticed the hot flashes and night sweats have picked up from before when I was just on the tamoxiphen. Guess I'm truly in menopause now. So I will get things rescheduled once this weather calms down and the roads are passable. I'm anxious to see what a PET Scan would show these days since it's been years since insurance improved one.
Lord help us please
Today in about 30 min we leave to take Erik to the airport to fly to Iowa to be with his Burbank family as they wait for grandpa Wendell to pass. So many emotions as I see grandpa on FaceTime laying in that hospital bed surrounded by his loved ones. With Erik leaving that leaves me to move Avery to college Thursday and Friday all alone. I'm very anxious about that. What if the car breaks down? What if I don't know where I'm going? I'm leaving my baby at a foreign place and don't know when I will see him again before fall break in October! Not only that but he has been told he has an enlarged right ventricle and it needs cleared by cardiology before he can play ball. What if that doesn't get done Thursday and he has to have additional testing? Where will we get that done and how will he get home to do it? Will he miss class? I am still waiting to hear about when my Ct scan will be this week and I start my new meds Monday. Which freaks me out and makes me nauseated already. All these worries and none of its happened yet. I'm a mess! Anxiety ridden mess! Is this my new normal? When will Satan stop attacking us and when will I learn to give it completely to the Lord? I'm sure all this will work out the way it's going to and should. I'm sure there will be surprises along the way but overall no one will any worse off. Yes, grandpa is dying but soon he will not be in pain or discomfort and soon he will be reunited with grandma Bobbi. So in the grand scheme of things life will go on. And so will my life. I still hate writing updates on Facebook and having people say they are praying for me and my family. Why? Because I feel like they are feeling sorry for me and making it seem like I'm already dying. I'm totally not! Not even close! Just overwhelmed with a new diagnosis and a new plan of care. I love the prayers, don't get me wrong but I hope to soon put up good joyous news on Facebook to praise God in this storm!
Outpouring of love and prayers
I get so overwhelmed when I post on Facebook and the prayer warriors join together in prayer and pray for my situation. I feel less than deserving because there are days I simply forget to pray for my family through this. There are days all I do is lay in bed and feel sorry for myself because I'm "too tired" or just don't want to do the mom things that day because I have a now chronic illness. Depending on how my body reacts to the treatment, possibly a terminal illness. Scary when you hear that and you are 42 years old with four kids that still need you. Scary when you look in your husbands eyes and find fresh tears where once a strong man stood looking back at you. Erik is my rock in all sense of the term tho. He sees beyond all my surgical scars. He loves me when I'm being lazy and tired and takes care of things for this family. He worries about things while I rest like bills and kid issues. He is single handedly running this family right now and I'm alive kicking and testing him to see how he does. I need to find my purpose in the day to day when my kids don't need me like they used to. I need to get my affairs in order as all of us should, not because I'm dying but because I'm alive and still can do it pain-free. I need to step up my game so to say. It's all about time now. If the oncologist said I have "years" but couldn't specify between five to twenty years then I need to pray for quantity of life based off of treatment responses. One day at a time. That's all any of us have really. Time to get busy living with a purpose then!
Next plan of action
As much as I want to be on the beach today I am not. Today we got 100% confirmation that my breast cancer has spread to the bones (spine to be exact). I will be starting on oral chemo medications as well as monthly shots, having a PET scan and CT Scan of the abdomen (for pain related to my recent surgery), labs and more over the counter meds like calcium and vitamin D. This is not the news we wanted to hear at all but I'm still alive and kicking! I still have toilets to clean and laundry to do. Still have kids to raise and send off to college next week. Still have curfews to enforce and chores to hand out. I'm alive and will continue to be a mom, a wife, a nurse...caring for everyone around me.
Robotic BSO (bilateral ovary removal)
Goodbye to my ovaries. You've done good over the years. Made eggs to allow me to hatch four beautiful babies. But now your purpose is done as you've become a pain filled with cysts, this last being 9 cm! You feed my breast cancer with the estrogen and progesterone you make and that's not acceptable any longer. So I had you cut out and now I'm being thrown into menopause at the young age of 42. The surgery went as well as could be expected. Dr. Boyd was able to use the robot and get through somemscar tissue and adhesions with ease. I went in at 5:30 am for my 7:30 am case and was home by noon. Really only felt like I did 1000's of sit-ups and like something was stuck under my right rib cage. Had issues all day and night especially with pain meds and itching. Took Benadryl 50 mg 30 min prior to taking my Tylenol #3. I had some Percocet left from a previous surgery and thought I would try that to help me sleep comfortably in my bed but I was wrong. Nothing stopped that itching and I was up most of the night, hence the 5:30 blog post. Some of the things I get to look forward to will be hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, weight gain, and mood swings just to name a few. Usually they give women estrogen patches or pills to take to calm down those pesky symptoms but not me! That would rev up my cancer growth. The great news was the 9cm mass on the right ovary was NOT cancer! They sent it off for a frozen section while in surgery and found out before closing me up. So now I'm home until my follow up appt for sure on the 17th and I'm really looking forward to that time with the kids. Especially Avery since he will be leaving the 24th for college.
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