T7

Had a follow up MRI Wednesday and found out Friday I have a 7mm lesion on the T7. The doctor took my case to the multidisciplinary tumor board and everyone apparently agreed the best thing to do was wait 6 weeks and rescan to see if it’s growing or staying stable. Dr. Yeboa said that she thinks we can treat it like we did the T8 lesion, with stereotactic radiation again, 1 or 3 treatments this time. She wasn’t sure yet when I talked to her. We feel really deflated because when we left the office Wednesday we were told the MRI was good from the preliminary report and we could follow up in a year. Things change fast. I hate this rollercoaster ride I’m on. I hate what’s it does to my family. I hate telling people I’m ok when there’s cancer growing in my body. I hate pretending I’m ok all the time when I’m clearly not. Erik and I have had some pretty long discussions about how we think this is going to go down. I think honestly I’m at the beginning of metastatic cancer and it’s just going to get worse and worse as time goes on. More lesions here and there popping up. I will continue to fight but I’m wearing down with each new punch this disease takes at me. There is no celebrating with this disease. I’ve learned that just when you think you have a victory something else happens and knocks you down. It’s exhausting. It has to be for the family too. My kids are numb. They don’t even get worked up anymore. We don’t hide anything. Maybe we sugar coat it more than we should but they are just kids. It’s not fair. None of this is fair to anybody.