A day full of appointments

Had a very long day after working all night. Started with my preop appt at my gyn's office. Then checked in for my preop appt at the hospital. Four needle sticks later they got my blood finally. I look and feel like a pin cushion! Then lastly we met with my regular oncologist. The next logical step besides getting my ovaries out and those being sent to pathology is to biopsy the lesion on my spine. He does not want to call it metastatic breast cancer until he has positive proof. Most likely that will happen sometime in the week of the 7th. Results appointment won't be until the 17th. All depends on if the interventional radiologist can get to the lesion or not, if not they will push for a PET scan. I did ask if he would help out if we wanted a second opinion or referral to MD Anderson and he said that he would help us if we wanted to do that. Right now however, since biopsies and pathologies are the next step we will stay put.

Our NO CANCER day was a success!

God's Promise to always take care of me

My rock and biggest supporter 

Four of the biggest reasons I continue to fight

Today we celebrated life together by having a NO CANCER day and hanging out with friends at the beach. It was a gorgeous and absolutely spectacular day! My people are my world. They make me laugh and have taught me to love harder and to look at the future as a gift. They amaze me everyday at how they are growing into these little amazing humans who I made and who are turning before my very eyes into fantastic people! I love you my babies! Don't forget God's promises and what He has done for us this far. Miracles have happened in our past and can continue to happen with faith. Be faithful in your walks and honor God even in the storms of life. 

Feelings Around My House

Yesterday I got the news that my ovarian tumor markers were normal! That's a huge game changer in terms of surgery next week. Doesn't look like a gyn/onc will have to be there afterall. Unless she just wants another opinion. We won't know 100% until the pathology report comes back but I'm feel confident that something is going our way. We also had prayer at the church last night and our close friends and my mother in law came to support us. It was very nice and felt good to know the church knows now and will be praying for us as we go through this journey. I sat with Avery for a long time last night talking about his feelings. He was thinking he needs to be the big brother and step away from going to Austin and playing ball and just stay home and get a job and go to Lone Star. I told him I would never want to stand in the way of his dreams and this is an opportunity of a lifetime for him that I want him to take. We talked about how he feels like people are feeling sorry for us. I explained bringing food and praying for us are ways people can help in a helpless situation. Jaelyn has been going to a therapist for the past few months and it's time to start family counseling I think before Avery goes away to school. At least meeting once as a family unit. We are a team and need to all be able to open up and talk. Braden worries me as he isn't talking about it at all. He's hiding behind his phone, playing games, acting uninterested and untouched. But I know he is a momma's boy and he is hurting inside. Evan's been really lovey and gives alot of kisses and hugs and Jaelyn is just pissed at the world. Her and Erik got into a big fight over nothing really in the middle of Chili's the night before last and he stormed out. He is hurting too. It's easy to forget about his feelings because he's so worried about the kids and me. He always puts himself on the back burner and tries to fix it all. This isn't fixable for him. Only God can perform a miracle. I know I am praying for intentional time with my family, treatment that will keep me around pain free for a long time, and to praise Him in this storm. Just like the song says.

My thoughts on all of this...Well, of course it sucks! I hate it! I want to run away and hide from it. I'm scared of dying. I'm afraid of the unknown including what is going to happen to my body before I die. Will I be in pain and if so will the doctors be able to control the pain with pain meds that make me itchy or give me hives. How will that work? The fear of the unknown is the worst. I am a planner and want to write things down so I don't miss something. I want to know the overall game plan. And waiting is not something I'm good at.  This blog has been a place for me to journal my appointment results and upcoming surgeries. I haven't really used it as a sounding board for my feelings until now. I will be weak at times, strong at others, but this is about to get real. Real for my kids. I am going to be honest as I walk this journey so that one day my husband can print this off and give to my kids so they know I loved them and fought for them. I will write letters in here for them and if you are someone that reads this on a daily basis, you may learn things you weren't necessarily prepared for. I don't know what I will write but I do know I'm going it all for them.

Big Changes In A Short 6 Months

Things have been quiet until about 3-4 weeks ago in the Team Sheldon 6 household. Well, not quiet since I have four busy kids but normal busy. No worries about anything cancer related. No thoughts of it actually. Then at my 6 month visit with Dr. Khoury, I get the news that my CEA level was 7.4, elevated as normal is less than 3. Where was that stemming from? He ordered a bone scan and CT scans of the chest, abdomen, and pelvis since my lovely insurance company would deny a PET scan. He went from wanting to see me in 6 months to 6 weeks with all these tests completed. I had the bone scan and after it was completed, I looked up and saw it. Bright as day. A spot on my T8 vertebrae. Couldn't be! But the nurse who got the results quickly left me a message that I would need an MRI of the thoracic spine to rule out any abnormalities. I had that the very next day. The radiologist who read the report at Kingwood Hospital chalked the spot up to a "schmorl's node". Which has something to do with degenerative disc disease and getting older. I was having pain in my spine and wasn't convinced this was that. I was persistent about asking for a CT scan to look closer at that spot and my doctor caved and ordered it. I mean, I was having the other CT scans so why not add another? I also pushed to have my scans earlier than originally scheduled by about 2-3 weeks. My mother's intuition sent red flags up about that node diagnosis that everyone was playing off. I didn't buy it for a second and I was so uneasy about waiting for the results. I had the CT scans on Tuesday. Tuesday night I worked and was wanting the report in the morning. It was noon before I heard anything and after hearing, "The doctor wants to you to come in for results", I sort of turned off my brain. In my experience with cancer and as a nurse, that was never a good thing to hear. I made my appt Thursday morning at 8:45 with Dr Guo, one of the oncologists in the group as my doctor was out of the country. She was so pleasant and kind! I felt bad that she had to tell me the spot when compared to my scans in December had grown from a 4 mm lesion to a 1 cm lesion in seven months. Because of that growth while even on tamoxiphen, a hormone suppressant I take daily, I was now considered a stage 4 metastatic cancer patient. Breast cancer with mets to the bone. To top that off they found a 9x9 cm cyst on my right ovary. Those were checked out several years ago and considered to be "ovulatory cysts" so I wasn't surprised about having one, just the size of the one I had in there. When pushed on, it is sore otherwise it wasn't causing me any problems. I left the office 30 minutes later in shock over hearing I am now advanced in my cancer and it's back. I was enjoying being in remission! I am sending a kid off to college in a matter of a month! What is happening? We brought a copy of the CT scan to my OB/GYN office for Dr. Boyd to evaluate and she made me an appt to see her and discuss my options for treatment on Friday morning. Erik and I sat in the same parking lot when we first were diagnosed in May of 2014 and cried together as we called our moms. We called a family meeting for 11am with the kids and told them. Hardest. Thing. Ever! I have never wanted to look them in the eyes and give them this news. To tell them that a stage 4 is treatable but not curable is devasting. I held Evan while he cried in my arms and watched as Jaelyn quickly excused herself to her room to be alone in her thoughts and tears. Avery and Braden were stoic and clammed up. Neither had questions for me. Erik's mom came over just to sit with us before our next appt of the day, the plastic surgeon. See, Dr. Gill was found to not be taking my insurance anymore and so I had to switch my plastic surgeon back to Dr. Berzin. We had a nice visit to establish a relationship and decided that having a reconstruction surgery was probably not in my best interest while my health was unstable. It would most likely cause an uproar in my immune system and not allow my body to attack and spend energy on the cancer, but instead, the surgery site. Not a good idea if I didn't need the surgery. I am ok with that for now. He was such a peace for us. Amy and Stuart came over with food from Erik's work for supper. It was nice to talk to them about stuff. Avery had his girlfriend and his friend over and so the kids were distracted and playing games together. Overall, a much needed night. I'm not sleeping well the past three nights. Taking benadryl and still my mind races and I wake up. I'm hoping getting this down on the blog helps. Facebook has been blowing up with private and public messages. I have gotten a few phone calls even. It surprises me that people are wanting to come to Humble to visit me. I am not up for that right now because I'm still working night shift full time and raising busy kids. It's stressful to have people come visit. But I get where their heart is. I'm just not up for entertaining people right now. Maybe once the schedule at work slows down I will be more apt to inviting people to come into my home and visit from out of town. I pray people don't get upset in my decision. I just need time to process and get a plan in order for my treatments. I see Dr Khoury next Thursday with repeat labs and to make a game plan and time line. Then I will know more. For now, I wait and soak up every moment with my family I can have.