3am Thoughts

I’m wide awake, ready to brew some coffee and I’m finishing up my Grateful List from Rachel Hollis’s 90 day grateful challenge. Decided to start in my birthday yesterday since afterall I AM grateful to see another birthday. I sit here and think about how many more birthdays I will be blessed with. Afterall, it was my wish as I blew out the candles on my cake. I want to see many more years with my family and loved ones. I want to for sure be more positive and have a grateful heart and it starts with me. I don’t want my legacy left to be filled with despair and negativity and resentment. I’m still not in the acceptance phase but I’m trying to actively be better with my self talk and I’m hoping to everyday cheer myself on rather than tear myself down. This is something I definitely want to teach my children. When times are tough and life is stacked against you, you get on your big girl panties and barrel ahead against the odds. I’m up at 3am. At first I thought why the heck do I get out of bed now? But then I realized these times are God tapping me on the shoulder and telling me to spend time with Him in the quiet. While all my loves are sleeping peacefully, I am trying to start my day with a grateful heart and listening to God’s whisper. The dogs are snoring and the clock ticks. I hear the hum of the fan above my head and an occasional chirp of a bird outside the front door. Life isn’t all bad. It’s in this quiet that I am finding out I have more to be thankful for and more to give this world and my loves in it. Aches and pains may still linger on but I’m grateful that I am here to feel. God is providing me with all my needs and even my wants. He is faithful in this storm just like He promised. I’m being used for a greater plan and that might be to teach others by example that there is a higher power. That God does exist! I’m 44 years young now and I pray and wish and hope to see 50. God willing, I will. And if not then I hope to accomplish great things with my time left on this earth. Everyday is a struggle in some form for everyone. I’m no exception but it’s how we chose to overcome our trials and differences. It’s how we choose to let God in and do great things within our lives. I’m ready for this next chapter. I’m ready to continue fighting my battle and putting God in the center of it all. I feel something brewing but I’m not going to let that stop my joy and happiness with what I’ve been blessed with.