The dumps

So I’m officially in the dumps. I know I heard the surgeon when we met say peritoneal cystic mesothelioma and yet seeing it come across in my chart really hit me in the face. My whole world is about to turn upside down if this is what I’m faced with. I have been researching HIPEC chemotherapy and cryoreduction surgeries to debulk tumors and I’m scared to death. Temporary ileostomy, TPN, central line, Foley, NG tube, metal staples, midline incision, drains...the MOTHER OF ALL SURGERIES is about to happen to me. I’m giving up dreams I had for 2019 to get my RNC, to goto a MBC summit in Austin, possibly a family cruise. I feel like I am staring death in the face. I’m half not wanting to go thru with this surgery because of fear of the unknown. I’m afraid I won’t come out of this surgery the same. I’m scared it will take away my ability to be a nurse, a mom, a wife. I’m so very upset that my kids and hubby and family have to worry like they do over me. I’m just sick over this. 

Getting an EKG for preop clearance