2 Weeks Ago

My surgery was 2 weeks ago today, on June 13th (Friday no less). Didn't realize that was going to be a bad day for me being on Friday the 13th and all but it was. I don't remember the 6 days after my surgery because I ended up flat lining and needing CPR to come back. I was given 2-3 units of blood and at one time had 11 lines in me at the same time. I was cooled to 92 degrees to keep my brain functioning. I apparently had a seizure and now am on seizure medications for a short time. My family came from Iowa to be by my side as I laid in the ICU bed waiting to wake up. My mom is still here helping us out and meals are coming daily from the care calendar set up by my good friend Shelly Blest. My dad had to leave this past Wednesday to get back to work. I still have 4 drains, 2 weeks out, and just learned that I will have to have another surgery next week to repair one of the breasts that the tissue has died. I am all bruised up and my drains continue to put out a lot of fluid so they can't come out just yet.  I'm very nervous to go under the knife and anesthesia again. No one seems to know why all this happened which scares me because it could always happen again. I have had so much support throughout this whole ordeal. I really feel loved by all my family and friends. Chemo starts July 7th and between now and then I have a doctor appointment every day it seems with another specialty or labwork or preop. It's too much! I'm very nervous about chemo. I will have 3 different chemo drugs every 3 weeks for 4 weeks then switch to 1 chemo drug weekly for 12 weeks. Then maybe radiation. I have to ask my radiation oncologist on July 8th about that. I expect my hair to fall out by my second treatment on July 28th. I'm trying to take 8 weeks of FMLA after all I went through and having to have a second surgery. I pray that they help me out with that. Dr. Gill's NP said she would help me with the paperwork.

24 hrs To Go

Tomorrow is the big day! I don't know what to think about waking up boob-less from the 4 hr surgery. In a matter of a month, I was told I have cancer and my body will be cut open. In a matter of another month I will be starting chemo. Drugs will be put into me to kill my bad and good cells. My body will be at war as it tries to heal. I am getting anxious because from here on out I don't know what to expect. Feelings I never knew were there will surface and tears I am sure will flow. I sit out on my patio this morning reflecting back to the days my boobs were useful-used for feeding my babies. How can they go from such a good thing to something that's trying to kill me? Random thoughts are coming to mind but I know I am not alone in my journey. Friends, family, but more importantly, God, is watching over me and holding my hand as I take the next unknown step. 

A Blanket of Hope

For several months, Avery has been putting in prayer requests at church for various things and a lady by the name of Bonita has been praying for him. One Sunday she got 3 prayer requests from the Sheldon's and decided right then and there to start working on a tshirt blanket for me to let me know the church is praying for me everytime I use the blanket. I got to meet Bonita last week and was completely blindsided by her gracious gesture of love.

 

People from all over are wearing their team Sheldon shirts with pride. On the last day of school, Erik drove by the high school and saw two random students outside wearing their shirts. My OB/Gyn office and Dr Boyd sent me a picture of them all wearing their shirts. I can't wait to see everyone wearing them Friday, my surgery day.

 

 

We had a great time on our preop vacation with The Miller's in San Antonio. It was so relaxing and a much needed break from reality

. 

 

I got my preop testing done last week and my packet of info to read before my surgery from my plastic surgeon. He said I can't use my arms for 2 weeks and I would have drains in for that long. He plans on making a vertical incision and closing with surgical glue. I have to go in two hours before surgery to be injected with some kind of dye that will light up my sentinel nodes making it easier to see when they take them out. Right now my surgery is scheduled for 1pm. I will stay overnight for two nights. I can shower 48 hrs after surgery, even with drains in. I should get home on Father's Day. 

 

Lasts and Firsts

I feel like everything I do lately I'm doing for the "last time" before my cancer journey officially starts. I got a hair cut "for the last time" before my hair falls out from chemo. I'm going on a mini weekend vacation "for the last time" before my mastectomies. I am having to get groceries "for the last time" before my mom comes to help me after my surgery. Our "last" family photo before I have body altering surgery. I am trying to think of all the important things I want to fit in before it's too late. I'm viewing my life like BC and AC only it stands for Before Cancer and After Cancer. I know this is probably normal but it doesn't feel healthy. I know the morning of surgery I will want to remember the way my husband looks at me "for the last time" before my body changes. I will want to hug my kids "for the last time" before lifting my arms hurt. So many "lasts" before I have to start thinking in terms if "firsts" again. My first time I see myself in the mirror with my scars staring back at me. The first day of accessing my port for chemo. The first time I really feel like a cancer patient. The first time I get to announce to the world that I am a survivor! All these lasts and firsts really make me realize how much for granted I was taking my life BC.

How Are You Doing?

Everyone who runs into me; at the grocery store, in the halls at work, at the baseball fields, all are wondering the same thing...How Am I Doing? I really don't know how to answer that because in just 9 days my body will be cut on and I will begin my fight. I keep saying I don't have time for cancer and that's the truth. We are too busy of a family to have to come to a halt and deal with something as stupid as cancer. Erik has 2 share-a-thons this month. And my surgery is smack dab in the middle of them both. Avery has a big baseball tournament out of town for 5 days that I was dying to go to but now can't. I have been in research mode since I found out and feel like I'm researching a diagnosis for a patient. Not for myself. I really have only broke down once over this and that was on the way to Megan's house one morning, the morning after I found out. Sure I cried initially but since those first days, I haven't allowed myself to feel any of this. It's probably not a very healthy way to deal with it. I just don't want to cry in front of the kids because I don't want to scare them. And honestly, I have a sense of peace that I am going to be ok. Sure the chemo and possible radiation will suck but I can do it. Our whole family has been preoccupied with the t-shirt distraction too. I'm busy running shirts to people here and there besides all the other errands I have to run before my mom gets here for 9 days. And before our trip to San Antonio to get away from it all for the weekend with the Miller's. So "How am I doing?" I guess I really don't know. We will find out the morning of my surgery.