Lasts and Firsts

I feel like everything I do lately I'm doing for the "last time" before my cancer journey officially starts. I got a hair cut "for the last time" before my hair falls out from chemo. I'm going on a mini weekend vacation "for the last time" before my mastectomies. I am having to get groceries "for the last time" before my mom comes to help me after my surgery. Our "last" family photo before I have body altering surgery. I am trying to think of all the important things I want to fit in before it's too late. I'm viewing my life like BC and AC only it stands for Before Cancer and After Cancer. I know this is probably normal but it doesn't feel healthy. I know the morning of surgery I will want to remember the way my husband looks at me "for the last time" before my body changes. I will want to hug my kids "for the last time" before lifting my arms hurt. So many "lasts" before I have to start thinking in terms if "firsts" again. My first time I see myself in the mirror with my scars staring back at me. The first day of accessing my port for chemo. The first time I really feel like a cancer patient. The first time I get to announce to the world that I am a survivor! All these lasts and firsts really make me realize how much for granted I was taking my life BC.